Bhandas and Cleansing

How can a person sleep this much? I keep waiting for a night when I don't need nine hours sleep. In my head I keep saying, "Maybe tomorrow, maybe the next day...maybe next week." 

Practice has become amazing. I am sweating so much that yesterday when I bent forward into paschimotanasana it felt like someone was pouring water over my head. Even my ankles were sweating. After watching the other people in the class not even break a drop, I asked John WHY I was pouring water, he said that it was good and that I was 1)concentrating hard 2) opening up 3) cleansing 4) pita (fire person...duh) 5) getting close to my period. Yup these are the things that we talk about with John. He asked us all last week when we were going to bleed so that he could have an idea of where we were in our cycles.

Now that's the kind of yoga guru I like. The ones that are aware of my bloody cycle! Lol.

I have been working hard on my udhyana and mula bandha while sitting. Sitting is excruciating. It is harder than my practice in the same way that breastfeeding was initially harder than birth. They both make you want to die, but the second one just seems to be pain that goes on endlessly, just when you thought the worst was over.

Yesterday John talked alot about diet, and YAY he is not a vegetarian. Nor does he promote vegetarianism.

I haven't gotten around to talking about the incredible experience that I had with the 108 sun salutations. Last Sunday John said he had a surprise for us, a special treat. I was of course hoping desperately for sugar-free chocolate, but no, it was going to be more yoga.

108 sun salutation A's with no extended breath in downward dog. Just a continuous cycle up and down...for an hour. He had 27 stones and was going to move them around in some way that I can't remember so that we could know which sun salutation we were on, and the reason that I can't remember is that I was just trying desperately not to think about doing all those sun salutions on the sixth day of excruciating hard practice for the week. 

I made an agreement with myself that I was absolutely NOT going to look at those stones during the practice, because I knew that it would crawl by if I had to count all those A's. 

The first ten minutes were mostly a mind game of trying not to see how many we had done. But suddenly the seriousness of the room hit me. Here were all these people very seriously trying to connect to god/themselves through this insane form of movement, and I got the giggles. After the giggles, I just relaxed into the movement, and it became quite comfortable.

Ekam inhale hands up look up

dve exhale hands to the floor look down

Trini inhale look up

Chatvari exhale jump back

Pancha inhale upward dog

Sat exhale downward dog

Sapta inhale jump hands to feet look up

Ashtau exhale head down

nava inhale hands up look up

Samastitihi

Part way through I bonded with counting the entire thing to ten in english. To the tune of a very slow sesame street. Then I thought about how maybe the guys that wrote sesame street had been indoctrinating and entire generation with counting to ten....maybe they were ashtangis. That gave me the giggles again.

Then I had a very very deep memory of "bumping my head". It was something that I did as a child to put myself to sleep (and also in cars) FOR HOURS.

Now it must be said that in recent years I have often wondered if maybe I was/am autistic, and that it just went unnoticed in my family...because I would hit my head against my bed for hours at night, first one side, and then the other. Counting out the sides so that they were equal.

One two three four five switch sides one two three four five...etc Occasionally I would just go straight on for to switch it up a bit. Same kind of counting, until I would reach this place of....hmmm...well exhaustion for sure, but also clarity and peace. 

I realized that the 108 sun salutations were doing the same thing. My body was quite comfortable in the slightly painful repetitive pattern, and I was counting. At that point I had an experience that can only be described as totally blissful. I realised that not only is it true that the more we give into gravity the easier it is to find lightness physically, but the same is true on a spirit level.

 The more I gave into gravity physically, the lighter my spirit felt.

the first time I looked at the stones, we only had three left, and I had been sun saluting in pure bliss.

In Shavasana that thought went even further, as I realized that the greatest way to give into gravity is through death, and that is when your spirit finally gets to it's lightest place.